Core Patterns

What is a Core Pattern?

What happens when your Love Style collides with your partner’s Love Style? The pairing of each person’s dominant Love Style forms what we call a “Core Pattern”. This Core Pattern is at the root of the frustrating cycle in your relationship. By discovering your Love Style as well as your relationship’s Core Pattern you can start to understand, heal, and change your relationship. The Core Pattern is your enemy, not each other. Remember these Love Styles are formed by our childhood experiences in relationships. Your spouse learned to relate as an Avoider, Pleaser, Vacillator, Controller or Victim long before you met. Most every couple has a Core Pattern, and they are far more predictable than you could imagine. With a diagnosis, change is possible.

How do you find your relationship’s core pattern?

To find your relationship’s Core Pattern, both you and your significant other should take our free Love Style quiz to determine each of your separate Love Styles. Your Core Pattern is simply a combination of those two Love Styles. You will likely have scores in more than one category. Pick the style that is most dominant in your relationship. If you aren’t sure, ask your spouse or kids! You can also read through several Core Patterns to see which is the closest fit to your core dynamic.

Recognize Your Core Pattern

It’s more predictable than you might imagine.

There are 25 core patterns in total, representing every possible pairing of the 5 Love Styles. Of these 25 combinations, 10 are considered uncommon or very similar. If your relationship falls into one of these uncommon groupings, your relationship will tend to follow very similar patterns to at least one of the common patterns.

The grid below lists every possible Core Pattern combination. Simply click the button that matches your Love Style and your partner’s to find out more about your pattern. If you’re not sure where to start, try our free Love Style quiz and ask your partner to take the quiz, too.